What happens after trust is broken between partners?


Partners react and cope in different ways, they’ll experience emotional and physical pain differently too. As one deals with the aftermath of finding out about the betrayal, and the other deals with the consequences of being found out. It’s inevitable they’ll need to deal with it, whatever it takes.
How do couples build that trust back? I definitely won’t be easy, but it is possible.
After years of helping couples repair their relationship from experiencing a loss of trust from some form betrayal, it’s clear they can rebuild up their relationship, provided that:
- the betrayal situation has stopped
- both partners are aware their relationship wasn’t doing well before the betrayal
- both partners are willing to explore repairing their relationship and put in the effort
Trust is the foundation to a healthy and meaningful relationship with your partner.
There are different types of betray of trust.
The loss of trust between a couple can be one of the most gut wrenching and painful experiences they’ll face in their relationship. It’s a whirlwind of emotions for each partner from feeling angry, hurt, shame, guilt, ‘fount out’, remorseful, a sense of violation at the loss of trust and so on.
Having worked with hundreds of couples in the areas of betrayal and the loss of trust, I’ve seen more couples stay together than not – working through it and creating a new stronger relationship, based on honesty and open communication.
Couples who mutually agree to chose on rebuilding their relationship put in their willingness, effort and time – they reap the benefits in the long term, even though it may be rocky and unsure in the beginning.
There are various forms of betrayal that include:
- an affair (emotional and/or sexual)
- dating website cheating (once off or a membership to dating sites to meet people)
- inappropriate relationships that cross the boundaries of friendship with flirting and possibly with a sexual undertone (through: text messages, emails, social media platforms, snapchat, messenger, words, mannerisms etc)
- additions (drinking, drugs, pornography, gambling etc)
- financial (hidden accounts, siphoning money, hidden assets etc)
- leading a double life
- having an open relationship outside of an exclusive relationship without the partner’s consent or awareness
- FIFO or work away lifestyle (distant emotional and/or sexual relationship with co-workers or paid sexual liaisons)
Some key areas I work with Couples to help rebuild trust after betrayal are:
1. No more betrayal. That whatever the betrayal situation is, it’s stopped and not continuing.
2. Explore the relationship before the betrayal. Both partners become more aware of how their relationship ‘really was’ before the betrayal.
These can be for various reasons and it’s important for them to understand these areas first before progressing forward with a new connection – trust begins here.
3. Accept responsibility for the betrayal. This can be confronting however necessary to fully own what happened and talk about it openly. The action of betrayal is intentional, it didn’t happen by accident. For the partner who has been betrayed, they need to be able to ask questions and express their thoughts also.
4. Build up the relationship. This stage take times and patience. Building new ways of communicating, types of language and non-verbal body language to use, strengthening emotional availability and reflecting on one’s own values and behaviours, helps to create a more meaningful relationship, based on honesty, openness and integrity.
I help couples to learn new ways of connecting, with their partner and with themselves. Couples learn new communicating strategies, gaining deeper insights into understanding their partner’s perspectives and personal preferences. They also thrive in a new found sense of freedom without judgement in expressing their truth when they’re going through really tough times.

Building trust after betrayal is a lot of work for couples, but it can be done if both partners want to create a stronger more connected relationship.
Need help to delve into connecting through empathy in your relationship?
If you are seeking to deepen the way you connect with your partner, reach out to work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach.
About Linda …
Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that couples experience today.
Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.
Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’, ‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.
Linda also offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their values and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.
Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.