Distracted and avoidant partners – how to reconnect

What do you and your partner avoid having a conversation about?


Some couples will function on a level of distraction and avoiding the difficult or grey areas in their relationship for the sake of to ‘just get on with it’. They may distract themselves or divert their focus elsewhere, because dealing with unspoken issues with their partner may be too overwhelming, painful or confronting.  


So they continue to mask their discontentment with other distractions which may include: submerging themselves in their work, being involved in external commitments, socialising with others, one partner has outgrown the other, partner/s having a side relationship with someone else, addiction or gambling, boredom and the list on.


Either way, there is an inevitable conversation that needs to happen between partners about what’s happening. This can be the hardest thing they may have ever done.  It may mean they will need to reassess their lifestyle, family commitments, finances etc.  


Fundamentally, it all comes down to communication.  


Without expressing themselves to one another, they remain stuck, emotionally numb, on auto-pilot and highly functional without emotional depth.  


At the core of their disconnection is their longing to know each other, to be understood, to live authentically aligned to what they feel and desire which they hide from themselves and each other.

Tips on how couples can move towards each other again:

  • Talk, talk and talk some more


Communicating is key to all connections between partners, this includes the non-verbal body language cues, the caresses of physical touch and the contours of facial expressions.  These are some ways couples can share their messages with each other.  Be open with your partner, express your perspectives, ideas, truth and feelings.  Be curious to know about theirs as well.  This encourages a great chance of emotional connection and understanding of one another.

  • Explore long-standing unspoken issues

Over time, some relationships develop coping strategies to deal with difficult situations or confronting topics.  Some may develop resentment and negative feelings, which will be at the undertone of how they talk to their partner. These feelings can fester, create unhealthy behaviours and can lead partners to focus elsewhere so they can avoid dealing with their partner. Be brave and speak up with your partner.  Share what has been holding you back and avoiding one another.  Justifying long-term resentment only creates more unhappiness between partners.

Be curious to know about theirs as well.  This encourages a great chance of emotional connection and understanding of one another.

  • Seek professional Coach to help re-connect with your partner

    Sometimes partners get stuck and unsure of how to progress forward.  They may try different ways to reignite their relationship and find themselves becoming more defensive.

    When partners are in the chaos of working through rebuilding their relationship after experiencing a crisis point, often they are not able to understand perspectives and their emotions tend to be over-heightened, and this leads to more disconnection and worst of all, separation.

    Seeking out guidance from a professional Relationship Coach and Counsellor takes the pressure off them and allows them to focus on themselves and their relationship, instead of them trying to ‘coach’ each other through their crisis.

Does any of this resonate with you and your partner?
So I ask you this question…
What is important to you?
When something is really important to you:
  • You communicate it
  • You are willing to make changes and keep be consistent
  • You gain clarity
  • You make meaningful priorities and choices
  • You make mindful choices about how you spend your time, both, with your partner and on your own
  • You have a deeper understanding of each other and yourself
  • You learn more about each other’s desires for closeness, affection and sexual intimacy

Ultimately, you and your partner begin to rebuild your relationship.

You can give yourselves the gift of re-discovering each other.

Need help to develop better ways of communicating?

If you are seeking to learn ways to have meaningful conversations without avoiding the hard topics, work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach. 

About Linda …

Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that couples experience today. 

Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.

Linda Kelly Relationship Coach Couples Counsellor Brisbane Australia America Europe

Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.

Linda also offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their values and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.

Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.

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