How to be More Curious and Less Judgemental with your Partner

Remain curious with your partner by focusing on more understanding and less judgement.

Curiosity keeps us intrigued and allows us to learn more about our partner and about ourselves.

Being curious takes a conscious effort, rather than instantly reacting.

It requires us to slow down.

Because when partners slow down, they’re able to get a better handle on what’s really going on instead of becoming reactive.

Sometimes partners respond with an immediate reaction that’s not helpful to their conversation and then they struggle to deal with the aftermath of that, without coming to a resolve. This can leave them feeling raw, unheard and not feeling valued.

It’s important to remember that being reactive only leads to more misunderstandings and arguments. Instead, try to be more curious and more open-minded to understand yourself and your partner better.  

By being curious, you can learn more about your partner’s thoughts and feelings on different matters. This will help you gain insight into their point of view, allowing you to come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Being open-minded through curiosity allows you and your partner to have meaningful conversations, helping to deepen your connection and sustain your relationship long term.  

Some ways to help you and your partner remain curious and less reactive include: 

1.  Ask questions.

When it comes to making decisions and handling conflict in your relationship, understanding one another’s perspectives, thoughts and feeling is so important.

Before reacting to your partner, take a moment to be curious and ask questions. This will help you get to know their take on things on a deeper level. By asking questions and listening will also help you gain insight into how your partner thinks and feels about certain issues you both may find challenging to talk about.  This is also an opportunity to open up and engage in a heart felt presence.  Remember, communication is essential for a healthy connection with your partner and the first step is being curious to help you both better understand one another.

2. Validate 

We all need to feel heard and appreciated in our relationships. Validation of your partner’s perspective and feelings is a powerful way to show them that you understand their point of view, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.  It also lets them know that you appreciate the effort they put into expressing themselves. When you validate your partner, you are showing them you care about their thoughts, feelings and opinions, which helps to maintain trust and strengthen the bond between you both. Validation can help create a safe space for you and your partner to express yourselves without fear of judgment or criticism.

FIFO Couples Counselling Linda Kelly

3. Show respect

You and your partner have different perspectives and feelings that you bring to your relationships and it is important to show respect for one another’s differences.  Respectful communication is key when it comes to maintaining a mature and emotionally safe conversation.   It’s using a neutral tone of voice, inquisitive facial expressions and a non-judgement behaviour response.  Showing respect between you both helps to ensure you both feel heard and respected, allowing your connection to flourish and strengthen.

So next time you and your partner arrive at 
crossroads of differences:

– slow it down
– ask questions and remain open-minded
– validate one another
– show each other respect

Need help to better understand one another?

If you are seeking to deepen the way you connect with your partner, to have those meaningful conversations and be able to share a life together that involves emotional maturity, reach out to work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach.

About Linda …

Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that couples experience today. 

Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.

Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.

Linda also offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their values and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.

Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.

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