How to Develop an Emotionally Mature Relationship

Emotional maturity between partners is developed over time.

A healthy relationship is built upon emotional maturity, understanding, and communication between partners.

When you’re able to express your feelings in a constructive and safe way, you and your partner are more able to listen and empathise with one another. 

If you are looking for a long-term and stable relationship, emotional maturity is important for it to be meaningful and sustainable.

Often partners don’t go into a relationship as highly mature people, it’s a journey they take together as a couple.  Some partners may have grown-up without having learned to be emotionally in-tune and as an adult they find it difficult to express their emotions with their partner. For these couples it may be a long progression of developing their emotional availability towards themselves and their partner. 

With awareness and practice, partners can learn to develop their emotional maturity that will enable them to having a deeper connection with each other and build trust. 

Emotional maturity can also help them resolve conflicts more effectively and create a stronger bond.  Through developing emotional maturity, couples can create an atmosphere of mutual respect, understanding, and love that will foster their relationship for years to come.

Maybe communicating your emotions and thoughts between you and your partner has been a struggle and you want to make changes to help improve your connection.  If you are willing to make changes, then embrace the opportunity to develop your emotional maturity to give you both the capacity to have meaningful conversations and deeper your connection.

If you are both ready to embark on a journey of learning how to build an emotionally mature relationship, let’s get started!

Ways towards developing an emotionally mature relationship:

1.  Take responsibility for your needs.

Some people go into a relationship with expectations their partner will meet all their needs; emotional support, social connections, sexual desires, financial support and family.  If partners make assumptions on what they believe will happen without expressing their needs clearly, this can lead to misunderstandings and hurt. Partners need to be honest and open about what their personal needs are and what they desire from their partner, as well as being willing to compromise and collaborate together. 

Taking responsibility for your needs in a relationship can help create a stronger bond between you and your partner, while also helping to ensure that both of your needs are met. It’s important to remember that communication is key when it comes to taking responsibility for your needs in a relationship, so make sure you’re talking openly and honestly with each other.

Emotional maturity involves knowing and accepting your own needs. 
That not one person can meet all your needs. 
It is knowing the difference between taking responsibility for meeting your own needs first and the realistic expectations of what you need from your partner. 
It is about having clear and truthful conversations with your partner about your needs and desires.
To not be coercive or manipulating towards your partner to ensure they meet your needs first.

2. Find resources to meet your needs.

Often you may have needs and interests different to your partner, it’s healthy to have your own sense of individuality.  Instead of expecting your partner to fulfill every need with you, extend your social network of people whom you can share your interests with, develop your own community village of people.  Social connections can be a powerful source of support and comfort when it comes to meeting our own needs.  Whether it’s emotional, physical, or mental support, having a strong network of people around you can help you to feel more secure and confident in yourself.  Choose wisely who you have in your inner circle, people who will have your best interests at the forefront without their own motives or projections.

Explore pursuing your interests or hobbies, meet like-minded people.  Find people who can emotionally support you when your partner is not around, or when it’s outside your partner’s capacity of giving you support you need.  Importantly, have quality time to enjoy the similar interests you have with your partner.  It makes those moments more valuable as you bring your own worldly perspectives to share with your partner. 

Emotional Maturity involves engaging with different people to learn how to better understand who you are as an individual, understand your own emotions and to expand your capacity to connect with your partner on an emotional level. 

It is exploring new ideas and challenging your beliefs with different perspectives.

To share your interests with others to create a sense of connection and community for overall wellbeing.

Through social connections with others, you are better equipped to handle difficult situations and conversations with your partner.

3. Take responsibility for your feelings and behaviours.

Being emotionally mature is identifying and taking responsibility for your feelings and behaviours, being in-tune with what you are experiencing in the present moment.

Some people bypass their feelings and behaviours and go straight towards the outcome or resolution.  Some try to control or suppress them, whilst others let their feelings and behaviours get out of control.  Others may project their feelings onto their partner because they struggle to deal within them and can come across as projecting their feelings or possibly blaming their partner for having certain feelings.  

Your feelings influence your decisions and how you connect with your partner.  Behaviours often speak louder than words.  Non-verbal behaviour can convey feelings towards your partner, whether it gives a positive or negative vibe.

Taking responsibility for your feelings and behaviours brings awareness of any past hurts you may carry.  Begin to understand why you have certain reactions to something that may be a reminder of the past.  Explore how you can find peace and acceptance around that and possibly do individual therapy with a therapist to help you achieve these insights.

To be emotionally mature involves being aware of your own past hurts and not to bring them into the relationship with your partner.
To be aware of your feelings and know they are valid, not to push them aside or pass them onto your partner.
To accept that you are responsible for how you handle your feelings and behaviour.  For how you show up to your partner in conversation, in situations and in life. 
To know that your behaviours are another form of expressing your feelings. 
To express feelings in the moment instead of withholding them. 
To be emotionally mature is to allow yourself to share your feelings with those whom you trust and have your best interests.  

4. Own your choices.

People enter a relationship as an independent individual. Over time they collaborate and make decisions together as a couple.

Some continue to nurture their individuality whilst flourishing within their relationship.  Some may lose their independence and feel their choices are made for them. Whilst others may count on their partners to change so they can finally be happy in the relationship. 

The truth is, unless a partner is in an extremely financially or abusive relationship, they are choosing their decisions every day.  

By owning your choices, enables you to connect with your partner as an individual who has their own feelings, thoughts and opinions.  

To be emotionally mature involves accepting the choices you make for yourself and within your relationship.
That you respect your partner’s choices, to not control them, nor influence what you believe that should feel or how they should behave.
That you take action to create the choices you want and that you understand the difference between being a victim and being self-empowered.

5. Accept your partner for who they are.

No one is perfect, neither is your partner.

Acceptance of your partner begins with accepting yourself first. 

Chances are, you both have most likely changed throughout your relationship, however personality traits rarely change.  If you want your partner to change their personality to meet your expectations, means look at what you are truly seeking in a partner. 

If you want to encourage and empower your partner to help bring out their better qualities, you need to focus on their great qualities and equally show up with your great qualities to share with them.

Being emotionally mature involves accepting your partner, their flaws and great attributes.

To be understanding of the differences between you and your partner without criticism.
To know that to empower your partner requires you to show up and action the same things you desire from them.

To be patient in knowing that through demonstrating changes over time helps to build acceptance for each other.

How does emotional maturity affect the longevity of a relationship?

Emotional maturity is a key factor in the longevity of a relationship. It’s not just about being able to express emotions, but also about being able to understand and manage them in a healthy way.

When both partners are emotionally mature, they can better handle conflicts and difficult conversations without letting their emotions get the better of them. This leads to more open communication, which is essential for any successful relationship. Additionally, emotional maturity helps partners build trust and create a deeper connection that can last for years.

Need help to develop the emotional maturity in your relationship?

If you are seeking to deepen the way you connect with your partner to have those meaningful conversations and be able to share a life together that involves emotional maturity, reach out to work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach. 

About Linda …

Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that couples experience today. 

Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.

Linda Kelly Relationship Coach Couples Counsellor Brisbane Australia America Europe

Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.

Linda also offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their values and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.

Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.

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