Finding that balance between Personal Values and Relationship Values
Finding harmony between your Personal Values and your Relationship Values can be challenging at times.
It takes a conscious effort to look within – to be ‘real and honest’ with what you value and how you action these values in your world and within your relationships.
Your Personal Values is like your internal compass, as it shows up in the life you live and the type of quality relationships you have. Personal values derive from what you believe is important, your expectations, your goals, your non-negotiables and possibly what you were raised with. These beliefs can change over time because as people we evolve, learn and grow. They can change due to past experiences, life changing events, your career, relationships and the list goes on. At some point you may have outgrown some of these old beliefs and old patterns because they no longer align with who you are nor what you believe in anymore.
When it comes to a Relationship Values, having shared and common values is important because this helps to align you with someone in a mutual space with similar values to share your life with. Relationship values between partners can be similar and sometimes different, however it’s how they communicate their differences and collaborate together to a common ground that allows them to remain connected and respectful of one another’s relationship values. Some Relationship Values partners will prioritise may include: open communication, reliability, emotional availability, consistency.
Grab a pen and paper and let’s delve into ways to balance and honour your Personal Values and Relationship Values.
1. Identify your Personal Values.
Get clear on what really matters to you and what you stand for.
These can be based on your beliefs and expectations around your personal goals in life, career, relationships, spirituality, family and personal growth.
Identify your personal values in level of priority or importance, rank them in order of importance.
Identify your non-negotiables, that is what you will not accept or tolerate.
2. Identify your Relationship Values with your partner.
Both you and your partner, make a list of what you want out of a relationship, these are your benchmarks and be very clear about it – this will reflect what you stand for as a couple. These could be values around: communication, trust, loyalty and intimacy.
Share this list with your partner. This allows you to further understand each other and highlight areas you would like to improve and tweak.
3. Create an Action Plan with your partner
Together work on collaborating towards coming to a balance between your Personal Values and Relationship Values, you can do this by making an Action Plan, that can go something like this:
I Write down your Personal Values and Relationship Values and rank in level of importance. This identifies the similarities and differences in values.
II Develop Action Steps.
Both of you express what ‘action steps’ you can take to fulfil your Personal Values and Relationship Values. For example, if you want more quality time together during the week, discuss ways you can allocate that time. Actioning your plans, helps to focus and commitment your values and brings you closer together.
III Develop Action Steps.
Both of you express what ‘action steps’ you can take to fulfil your Personal Values and Relationship Values. For example, if you want more quality time together during the week, discuss ways you can allocate that time. Actioning your plans, helps to focus and commitment your values and brings you closer together.
VI Collaborate and find common ground.
Respect each other’s preferences and collaborate together to find a common ground, ask yourself ‘would you prefer to be right or to be happy?’
That doesn’t mean to compromise or negate your values, it means that maybe neither of you will get 100% your own way, but rather it’s about working together to come to a common ground where both your needs are being met – it’s about collaborating, meeting in the middle and supporting each other. Also be mindful to have realistic expectations around values.
Remember, to honour both your Personal Values and Relationship Values takes continual open communication and consistently being present by both partners. It’s a two way street in a relationship.
For some couples they get wound up in the daily cogs of life and let their personal and relationship values go by the wayside and then wonder why they’re not connected – this is where they seek out support of a professional relationship coach to help them learn ways to communicate better and identify what matters to each of them. To learn tools and techniques to help identify their values and express them in a healthy way without conflict.
Finding harmony between personal and relationship values is a journey, sometimes it’s not easy – but with open communication, listening to understand and clearly stating what’s important to you, gives you both a chance to live out the values that are important to you, both as individuals and as partners
Need help to explore your Personal Values and Relationship Values?
and how to make them work within your life and relationships?
If you are seeking to work on yourself or in your relationship to create a happier, healthier and more empowered version of you and you as a partner, reach out to work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach.
About Linda…
Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of people from diverse backgrounds and various life situations, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that people experience in relationships.
Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationships.
Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’, ‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.
Linda offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their desires and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.
Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.
