Most people long to be deeply understood by their partner and this level of intimacy requires them to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable with your partner is to deeply share who you are, at your core.
To be vulnerable with your partner
is to open up and be honest,
share who you are,
share what you need,
share what you fear,
share your desires and future goals.
Vulnerability is an emotional risk. This can be scary if you’re unsure of how your partner is going to respond. Being vulnerable takes a huge deal of trust and this is part of the foundation of being close to your partner. Not being understood by your partner can be frustrating and isolating, it may lead to resentment and withdrawing from the relationship. Disagreements are a normal part of a couples relationship but it doesn’t mean all is lost. When couples open up and have those deeper conversations about things that truly matter, they’re able to feel more seen, heard, felt and understood – this is vulnerability at it’s truest.
To be truly vulnerable, is to be authentically known by your partner.
So although being vulnerable is risky, not being vulnerable can be the difference between just existing in the relationship or feeling truly connected and close with your partner.
Maybe over time, sharing vulnerable viewpoints or feelings has become harder for you and your partner. Whatever the reasons are, if you’re wanting to become closer and more intimate with your partner, vulnerability is a solid starting point.
Some ways to become more vulnerable with your partner to help deepen your closeness and improve your relationship:
1. Understand who you are. Before being vulnerable with your partner, you firstly need to know who you are. Know what your values are, be aware of your thoughts and perspectives on what you believe in and honour these. Understand your own behaviours and why you do what you do. Be aware of your own triggers and how you respond to these. Know your deepest needs and fears and understand why they mean so much to you. When you know about you, you have more of a grounded foundation from which to share your vulnerability with your partner.
2. Gradually share.
If there is hesitation in sharing your inner thoughts or feelings with your partner or it’s been a while since you’ve been open and honest with each other, start off slowly. Become more curious and less judgemental, ask your partner questions to understand them more. Start with sharing something about yourself that you’re comfortable with. When you do this, it helps to encourage your partner to share something in return – this helps to create trust and strengthen listening to each other on a deeper level.
3. Share in the moment.
When something challenging (triggering) or something positive comes up for you when you’re with your partner, share it with them in that moment. Use ‘I’ statements (eg ‘I feel…’, ‘I sense…’, ‘What’s going coming up for me is…’). This allows your partner an insight into what you’re thinking and feeling, plus you’re being vulnerable in that moment. By being present in the moment of sharing your perspective or feelings, not only allows you to speak your truth, it invites vulnerability into the relationship dynamic, where you’re both sharing your hurts, joys, fears and deepest needs.
4. Share your needs and fears.
Your partner is not a mind-reader, you need to speak up and share what you’d like – use ‘I’ statements (eg ‘I would like….’, ‘I’d love to feel…’, ‘I’m fearful of…’, ‘it scares me if ….’). When you share your needs, it gives them a clearer picture of what you want and sharing your fears let’s them know your concerns. If you struggle to let your partner know what you’d like and your needs, you may want to reflect on your own values. Maybe you do have needs but are afraid your partner will judge or reject you. Asking what you want involves being vulnerable. You may experience disappointment, however you could also experience feeling understood and close to your partner.
Even though being vulnerable with your partner can bring up feelings of anxiety and hesitation, it can also bring you closer together and improve your intimacy. Being vulnerable is not easy, however with practice, compassion and practice, the outcome to feeling connected, nurtured and valued are so worth taking the risks.
Need help to delve into re-building a better connection with your partner?
If you are seeking to work on yourself to create a happier, healthier and more empowered version of you, reach out to work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach www.lindakelly.com.au
About Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach and Counsellor
Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of people from diverse backgrounds and various life situations, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that people in relationships experience in today’s world.
She specialises working with couples and individuals in areas of relationships.
Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.
Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’, ‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.
Linda offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their desires and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.
