Want to get of the emotional roller-coaster of trying to be the perfect couple?
In today’s society where social media projects glamourized content and images of what makes a perfect relationship, it’s no wonder some couples can feel a false sense of what is real and get caught up in unrealistic expectations neither of them can achieve.
Some partners spiral out of control with ‘trying to be perfect’ in their relationship, the business, their family, other commitments and it can feel like they’re on an emotional roller-coaster.
No one has a perfect relationship with their partner.
Relationships take nurture, understanding and quality time to evolve into a meaningful connection.
The relationship with your partner can often can mirror aspects of how you feel about yourself, so the connection of ‘couple-hood’ can be a dual journey of maturely growing with a relationship and within yourself.
Keeping it real in your relationship is about focusing on what is truly important. Fine tuning your shared common values gives you both purpose going into your future together.
Stepping off the emotional roller-coaster is about identifying the issues that cause you both to be reactive and disconnected. Possibly it’s lack of time together, not enough communication, over-extending yourselves, running a business, succeeding in your career, lack of affection and intimacy, family and house commitments and so on. By slowing down and reassessing what’s happening in your lives is a start to unpacking what’s keeping you disconnected. Ask questions like ‘what is valuable to us, to me?’ What makes our relationship meaningful?’
Tips on ways to keeping your relationship real and avoid being on an emotional roller-coaster:
- Be patient. Accept that within your relationship, there will be challenges, it’s not all rainbows and roses. Be patient knowing you’re different and collaborate together towards bringing out the best in each other. Before you speak to your partner, begin with a positive intention of them with the conversation you will be opening up with them. Use words that are kind and also constructive, without sarcasm or spite. Treat your partner as how you would like to be treated in return. Setting a positive environment helps create a theme of compassion and patience.
- Remain open-minded. When disagreements arise, remain open to finding out more information, be more curious than judgmental. Hear each other out and show genuine interest in your. The goal is to allow your partner to understand your feelings and point of view.
Be mindful. Dealing with life issues can take a toll on couples. By staying present with your partner in conversations, allows you to be aware of your reactions, emotions, feelings and perspectives. As you become more mindful of each other.
- Filter your thoughts and words before you speak and act. Whenever you are in the heat of an argument or disagreement, slow it down and pause, nothing good comes out of rage. Agree to have some time out to process what is happening, to allow time to self-regulate your heightened emotions, reassess your thoughts and refine your choice of words you want to use to express yourself to your partner. Filter out the hurtful comments, focus on clearly expressing yourself and listen to understand your partner.
- Don’t compare your relationship with others. Each relationship is unique and has it’s ups and downs. No matter how flawless the most perfect relationships appear to the public or on social media, remember every relationship has their own dynamic and problems as well. Therefore, avoid judging or comparing your reality to those of other couple relationships.
- Identify the cause of both your heightened emotions.
Reflect on why you both react the way you do. Be honest with yourself and call out your own areas of resistance.
Some questions you can ask yourself and each other:
What really matters to you in the relationship?
Why do you become reactive towards each other?
When did things change for you both?
What areas could improve in our relationship?
Is there unresolved issues?
- Talk with your partner and express your feelings clearly.
Have a calm conversation with your partner and let the intention going into the discussion be based around honesty and being open-minded. This allows you both to express your perspectives and feelings in a proactive way without it escalating.
- Accept, make changes and move forward.
The easiest reaction in a tense situation is to be defensive and flare up, but this does not support neither of you. Anger can be overwhelming and prevent you both from collaborating towards focusing on the positive aspects of your partner and within your relationship. To accept what has happened in the past is to acknowledge the hurt, betrayal, disappointment or whatever it may be. This is important to recognize and validate before planning actions steps towards re-instating trust and new ways in creating a meaningful and ‘real’ relationship. A relationship based on open communication, honesty, emotional closeness and positive intentions for one another.
Need help to get your relationship back on track?
If you are seeking to work through challenges with your relationship through Couples or Individual Coaching, work with Linda Kelly, Relationship Coach.
About Linda …
Linda is a Relationship Coach and Counsellor. Having worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, Linda understands the complexities and challenges that couples experience today.
Linda’s blend of coaching and counselling approach allows her to be more hands-on, supportive and directive, helping people to achieve results within themselves and in their relationship.
Linda provides ‘Couples Coaching’, ‘Women’s Coaching’ and ‘Men’s Coaching’.
Linda also offers a ’12 week Couples Connection Program‘. This helps couples to rebuild their relationship, learn more about themselves and their partner, adapt new strategies towards closeness and live a life that is more aligned to their values and needs. If you want to know more or to book in your spot, book your Connection Call click here.
Based within the gorgeous Redcliffe Peninsula region, Brisbane Australia, Linda offers in-person and online Zoom sessions, both Australia-wide and Internationally.
